My Voice

So, most people that know me know that I sing. Not a little bit and not sometimes. All the time. I also need to know the lyrics, it drives me crazy when I don't. I've learned I don't always have to sing ABOVE the music, and I try my damndest to hear the counter part I attempt occasionally to sing counter and fail every time. (Im a soprano's soprano me and the melody are one).

When people ask or say to me. Do you sing? or Oh you sing? I tell them. I retired. They laugh and I chuckle then proceed to die a little inside.

See music is the one inanimate thing that actually has a soul, that soul, breaks my heart.

As a Child my mother asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I said. A Disney Voice. I want to talk like Belle and Sing all the songs. My favorite movies as a child were all Musicals Blockbuster night was hellacious with 3 brothers, Bruce Lee usually won the vote. But I knew if given the chance I could Dance with Anna and the King, and Twirl on a mountaintop with Julie Andrews and Belt out the music.

I sang my first Solo at 4. I woke up singing the Star Spangled Banner as a child, and my brother Brian decided that something was wrong with me because no one wakes up that happy. A life with music even that young made me happy. I consistently was one of the highest range singers in school. Upon correct vocal training I made All State Choir my 10th Grade Year. After my transplant when I was 16, after I got out of the hospital, I tried to sing. I couldn't. All the cutting and scars in my stomach I couldn't breathe properly. My Senior year I couldn't fit music into my school schedule. My first semester of college I took music again. After that I came home and had to work and go to school. My parents didn't think a music degree would aptly prepare me to take care of myself being sickly, So my songs Died. After a while I stopped writing lyrics, I stopped composing. I was mad at God. Why have this gift that I cant do anything with? Now. With a rusty instrument people hear me and say. wow that sounds good. And I know I am capable of better I know this isn't my true voice.

I've gone back and forth for years debating and struggling if I should get back into the music, if I have the heart to do it. I decided I cant live my life without it. I may never be popular and I may Never tour I don't care. thats ok. My children one day may loathe that I sing all the time. But I cannot deny my gift. Its the one thing I have ever excelled at. So. I'm getting back into vocal training. Ill share with you my process. Lets see how this goes. I'm taking Back my Voice

Signing Out.

Deanna Amarica